Top 10 Things To Make Her Go Wild

Originally published in spring 2020 for UVA's The Declaration.

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1. Leave her alone.

2. I mean it... just leave her alone with her own thoughts with no distractions for approximately 30 minutes 

3. Hold her hand maybe??? idk how sex works tbh i was raised really catholic 

4. Play One Step Close (100 gecs Reanimation) by Linkin Park on repeat 

5. Remind her that one of her exes looks like a glorified mickey mouse (only greasier)

6. Go to France. Steal the Eiffel Tower. Bring it to the moon. You’ve just combined two of most romantic things at once: The moon and France

7. Play a game four times 

8. Remind her that Tina Fey has no idea who she is

9. Leave her alone but with a big box of fancy chocolates 

10. Send her money and never talk to her